Bipolar in my Wainwrights Shoes 

Doctors Solicitors Police Family Stories. Fight Stigma & Illness  

 

Christopher Wainwright LLB (Hons), Infantry Officer Retd, Shoe Retail Specialist, Ex Solicitor, 

5.A Brothers Outburst
 

"What’s wrong with me?"
During a return trip from Beaconsfield one day a Princes Risborough customer exclaimed that she’d missed me and hoped I was back to stay! No sooner said than David shouted out, "what’s wrong with me?". Highly embarrassed Mrs Bennet actually apologised while he just stood there! The outburst happened in the middle of the shop but I don't imagine he told his Dad about it. I hardly needed a psychologist to tell me David needed therapy for his well developed inferiority complex.

As the first born my parents expectations were heaped on me. My early years were about achievments and success. As time went on I became their golden boy. I was a good conversationalist and had a wide range of interests. My army gap year boosted my confidence mixing with people while university became a mixed bag after what appeared to be an isolated emotional depression. Despite the workload the social life at law school was good but the manic depressive episodes during articles took away most of my shine. My final depression after leaving the law and returning to the family business was the end of fourteen undiagnosed years with bipolar 1.

FAMILY BUSINESS JEALOUSY
When I returned to retail David had initially been alright with me because I was badly depressed and no threat. Once properly diagnosed and treated for bipolar 1 I recovered my usual good health and rescued our Beaconsfield shop from sale where dad and David had failed. My success upset David but Dad should've explained that I had a different upbringing. David for example couldnt emulate the Wainwright sales banter and started calling it unnecessary bxxxxs. There was nothing wrong with his own style but it was clear that he lacked people skills. Eight years his elder he was resentful of me and expected too much of himself. Our accountant Paul Benham noticed the problem and dad came up with a solution. The three of us agreed that if Davids behaviour towards me didn't improve I could leave the company and establish a business of my own 'under the umbrella of Wainwrights’. That was reassurance for me at last after the long history of aggravation I'd put up with. I was disappointed however that his manner didn't improve because resentment must've become embedded in his mind. For the good of our business and knowing the strain on dad I left the company when Davids spite became too much. It was an awful time and I was too trusting. Dad had no idea what his youngest son had been up to. After a long history of his antagonism and no prospect of his jealousy abating I left David holding all the aces. 

I had to work at home using emails to negotiate a settlement with Wainwrights. I was pitted against the company when in fairness I should have been head to head up against my brother. With hindsight I should have stayed at Wainwrights and made life difficult for him but that would've been upsetting for dad and more than I was prepared to do. Robbed of protection from my ‘umbrella’ agreement I never received the salary or capital  to finance a business my family and I could live off! As I see it Wainwrights owe me a small fortune. To make it worse David spitefully turned the staff against me. People who know the facts call it a scandal. Behaving decently to others got me nowhere. 

Leaving Wainwrights
Having been the last to join Wainwrights the obvious answer was for me to be first out. I sent David a written note saying it was a pity we could'nt get on but I hoped we could remain friends. He didn't respond until a year or more later when he said merely that my letter 'didn't 'warrant a reply'! Our ‘umbrella’ agreement counted for nothing. They flatly refused to honour it and wanted me to work from home and raise capital myself. I used interest free credit card loans for the purpose and emailed the company to negotiate my leaving settlement. With hindsight I should have stayed at the companyto exert pressure. I would have looked after my own interests far better and stopped David going behind my back. What stopped me was the stress dad would be under if the situation became public. At his age I couldn't upset him. I thought to make the best of a bad job and carry on as I was but I was stabbed in the back and found myself in an inescapable predicament. 

Settlement - 88888888888888888888888
Having reneged on on our 'Wainwrights umbrella agreement' Dad insisted I sell my 25% share in C&D Properties to Stephen and use the proceeds as if they were part of my leaving settlement! The Beaconsfield property trust only existed because I'd saved the branch. Stephen Sandra and David now own the highly profitable investment having done nothing themselves!. The transaction was forced on me when my siblings had me over a barrel. Stephen made the most of the situation knowing a good thing when he saw it! As settlement broker he emailed me saying Dad stipulated that my siblings should not 'gang up' on me but that's exactly what they did. C&D Properties is as much a scandal as dad's 'unfair will when my bipolar illness was used to influence him. Off guard Davids wife openly admitted their use of stigma to me! Psychiatric research shows prejudice is much deeper rooted in society than has ever been understood. Dad's initial reaction to my diagnosis was bad enough without David and Alison making it worse
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Having lost mum a few years earlier losing dad made things worse to say the least. It brought back all the memories of my parents disappointment about my bipolar. No wonder I became good at pretending to be well and hardly surprising that I often went into denial. When something traumatic happens it's natural to wish it hadn't neither can it be removed from your memory. Many of us have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder ranging from minor to major. I remember going to the chemist to order my bipolar meds locally for the first time. I nearly fainted! Shameful I'd always gone where I wasn't known! That's one common effect of bipolar! I'm no longer worried who knows now that I've worked out what to do! I find writing therapeutic because it's aims are positive. First is to reduce/stop stigma and the second is to find out (using my own case as an example) how many others with my illness have experienced injustice in their own family business of which there are over 5 million employing roughly 16 million people. People know I've never been a wilting violet but I am no longer ashamed to admit that my three depressive and one manic episode nearly finished me for good. Experts say that bipolar 1 will reduce life by between a third and a half. It's not only the episodes but the time taken in recovery. 
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Mum and Dads funerals were the unhappiest experience of my life. Noone knew my side of the Wainwrights shoes story having heard it all from David and staff. I was on my own and I wasn't going to lean on my girls more than I had to. No sooner had I arrived at the wake Judy and Peter Coles from Naphill accosted me! I thought they were offering condolences but they wanted to resurect an old grievance against the company and harangue me in support of David. A former shop manager and so-called family friend Colin Clarke of Virginia Water ignored me. He’d been taken in by what David told him. I’d kept confidential things private from the start but once I began working from home David and Alison were running me down to everyone they could. My bipolar and anything negative was fair game! Leaving the wake I saw Davids friend Chris Bailey. I really can't recall ever seeing anyone look so stressed. His face was a picture and not a nice one. Their friend, R C. was Alisons boyfriend until she thought David a better bet. David promptly asked RC if he minded if he took her out! What could a young man say to such a heartless request? He took it so badly that he emigrated to Australia. That sums up my brothers character for me.
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David and I were to own Wainwrights equally on dads demise but somehow with dads will because even his solicitor said it was unfair. Dad meant it to be ‘temporary’ until negotiations were over. David however wanted full ownership of Wainwrights the moment dad died. The ‘temporary’ will did that so the negotiations were a sham. Whose idea was the will? David couldn’t lose! Had he wanted to be fair he could’ve have agreed to buy me out at a discount! We would both have had a clean break and I could’ve bought a shop and no longer have been on my knees.
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I've no idea what’s been said since I left Wainwrights but noone can criticise my behaviour. I left because of Davids resentment when his jealousy turned to hatred. I found it impossible to work with him amicably.
 
I put his and the businesses interests before my own but rather than reciprocate he did the opposite. There was no need for more unpleasantness because I'd gone. He controlled Wainwrights and could have ended matters peaceably. He owes my family a considerable sum and should own up to his dishonesty. 
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Following dads demise the last time I set foot in the shop was when David threatened to stop my salary. While we argued in front of everyone he suddenly lied and accused me of hitting dad in the face! He must have been desperate to say something shocking. His false accusation was unforgivable. Some of the staff had gone into hiding but ‘Robert’ and ‘Pam’ were keen to stay and support him. Pam told me not to embarrass myself and was hushed up by staff as she began to explain about dads will!
 
At that point David had refused to reconcile our differences so I left. He lied to make me look thuggish and to dispute my good character. That entitles me to bring his own character into question. People who know us are well aware that we are like opposite poles. Why else would I write in these terms? 
 
It was years later when I finally realised that if I didn't open up honestly about those events and my bipolar 1 I''d be left looking guilty. If I don't put up a fight noone else will. People don't want to get involved with so many complicated issues. Maria and my daughters don't like conflict.
Wainwright & Sons Ltd owe me a small fortune. During negotiations before dads demise Stephen, acting as broker, told me dad had made a‘temporary’ will to protect David if he died before our negotiations were completed. I could do nothing to stop it but What I didn’t know was that Dad had instructed R, the senior partner at my former firm, to draw it up as a ‘temporary will’ which conflicted with our ‘umbrella agreement’. I wondered why R shot off when I pulled up in Chinnor to say hello! even R said was unfair so did mum. RS should not have accepted instructions.
 
All this time I was working from home without funds trying to start a business which we could live off. The only option was to sell online by opening an eBay shop!  
 
I'd had more news from Stephen and was astonished to hear in 2009 that dad had given David my late uncle Kens shares to make sure he kept control of the Wainwrights business when he passed on. Dad however told Stephen  that he couldn’t decide what to do about my settlement and wanted the four of us to reach an agreement between us. He was clear that he didn’t want Dave, Sandy and Stephen to be able to "gang up” on me. Stephen said that Alison did most of the talking but was ‘very’ blinkered with no interest in family harmony. He also said that our getting on as a family depended on Alison. I’d seen Davids wife a number of times but barely knew her. I’m extremely unhappy about the part she played in our family business. I think of her as a gold digger and believe any fair-minded person would agree with me.

The way I was treated by Wainwright & Sons and my brother and sister in law was scandalous. Stephen and Sandra were no help. To be left in this position where ‘I could do nothing about it’ was beyond belief. Dad said several times that Wainwrights shouldve have bought me a shop. Maria and I were going to open a ladies shoe shop in Thame. I dearly wish we’d been able to. My girls would’ve loved it. In the meantime my settlement  negotiations went on and on. I had no dealings with David whatsoever. He depended on dad completely until he passed on. Stephen should have resigned as ‘broker’ because his interests were conflicting with mine,
 
There was so much going on behind my back I didn’t know the half of it. I’d lost both parents in the most miserable of circumstances and was thoroughly dejected. That was the affect of my grief and my reaction to being stabbed in the back. They even began to call it my ‘predicament’. I make no apology for speaking up but I don’t like having to do so. If you were in my shoes wouldnt you feel the same?
 
When I look back at the years I've lost socially because of my negative reaction to bipolar I'm astonished how quickly time has passed. how ive been mistreated due to I let my illness shame and wainwrights get in the way. They both stopped me keeping in touch. There were people who deliberately avoided having to talk to me and I imagined I'd been bad-mouthed by my brother. I reasoned

I am sure that anyone knowing the truth behind this scandal would imagine that David and Alison never tried to influence my fathers opinion of me or my bipolar 1 illness.



 

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