In my Wainwrights Shoes (hidden) 

50 Years tell me Bipolar 1 is about the people I meet
 

By Christopher A Wainwright,

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9. Summary

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Important Aims - Prompt diagnosis and Stigma

In my 50 years with bipolar 1 I think that a prompt diagnosis and stamping out stigma are the two most important subjects to work on. Given a prompt diagnosis and best treatment living well with Bipolar 1 shouldn't be difficult but unfortunately many people still regard the illness as a stain on your character. My answer to that is that I'm a  better person than many. If anyone disagrees I'll meet them in public to compare. It might sound big-headed but look back at my track record. I also rebuilt and managed a very busy retail shop for many years in Beaconsfield and customers called me an icon. I'm always polite, fair, well-mannered but won't stand for bullies. There's a great deal more to people than their diagnosed mental/physical illnesses. What about our antagonists who have personality issues or undiagnosed conditions? The best way to know people is by spending time knowing them. Stigma is cowardly and relies on fear and ignorance to bring good people down. 

TV could radically alter the situation. Broadcasters are aware that bipolar disorder rarely gets positive mention. It's about time those in charge did something to improve it. If one of their own children was affected it would make a difference!. Before the illness affected me I experenced lots of the usual micky-taking in male groups and became used to giving it back. Bipolar 1 stigma can be more spiteful however and it still brought me down badly. After many years I realised I had to change my mindset and stand up for myself. I believe that's the best response to stigma. If anyone treats me badly because of bipolar I'll retaliate!

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​Remember that we are all different!

It's easy to forget that everyone's unique and that we all react differently to medications. Thanks to my bipolar 1 treatments I've been free from episodes since I've been taking them. I could have continued as a lawyer had my
GPs referred me for diagnosis in time. I've been on lithium for 35 years. It's rated as the number one mood stabiliser for most people but won't necessarily suit many others. I don't think there's a fit-all antidepressant either so they will require trialling to find the best.
I hear from informed people that caution is best when trialling. There's a lot of information on the web about meds and side effects, but the other mans grass is always greener. We all want to avoid unwanted side effects but switching meds is loaded with danger! What happens during the changeover in your trial? However gradual it may be difficult to go back in state if you want to? If your mood is negatively affected it may interfere with your work or commitments. I've not seen this brought up for discussion so the best answer could be to stay where you are or maybe wait until you have time in hand. It goes without saying that you first need an experienced psychiatrist for advice.

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Bipolar 1 career choice is crucial and so is how sympatuhetic employers might be if you break down while bipolar is being considered but not yet diagnosed. Stigma presently affects most employers. There's no point beating around the bush. I worked for two firms of solicitors who knew I had bipolar 1 mood disorder or something similar. Neither asked me if I felt ok or offered any help. They turned a blind eye and let me go. Anyone with a conscience would've intervened. They were experienced solicitors but didn't want to involve themselves in any potential liability. My codirectors behaviour in our family business was worse. After my 'retirement' from the law I rescued our Beaconsfield shop from closure (surprisingly my father and brother had been unable to stop the falling turnover themselves). Over many years I raised the branch turnover substantially but it made my brother increasingly jealous so much so that it turned to hatred. On the basis of the 'Last in first out' principle I knew I had to leave. Despite the promise my coodirectors at Wainwrights had made to finance my new business they defaulted. They knew very well I'd never be able to earn a living unless I had a shop of my own.
That story is ongoing. I have serious questions to ask my siblings

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Family businesses and bipolar 1                      888888888888888888

I've told some of the story already but I want to emphasise that in a family business like mine anything can happen. There are 5 million family businesses in the UK and I would be quite sure that my experience will have happened to others.

Careers for bipolar 1 should be considered a specialist area. I could manage those shops any day because my medication is good. So good that my brother resented me. Did my doctors think of that when they witheld my diagnosis? Of course not because any fool wouldve known they werent qualified! The only person I know who is qualifd is Prof John Geddes who they wouldnt let me see! 
Bipolar 1 is distinct from type 2 and 3. It's a cruel illness at times unless proper experts oversee it and patients allowed fast access without gps.

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Other important aspects:-

1. Understand an illness and stop stigma
I'm certainly not a doctor or psychmedic because they're experts. Learning the law and practicing as a solicitor I got an idea how the medical profession worked. Mum and dad taught me manners and made sure I knew right from wrong. Growing up I wasn't an angel and my antics and transgressions before age 11 taught me lessons that stayed with me. If I did anything wrong I was expected to explain myself and apologise sincerely. It was a two-step process. Stigma results from bad manners. I was pestered to help with a childrens charity. All contact stopped when they heard I had bipolar. The person involved wouldv'e known I expected a follow up.

 

My doctors didnt tell me the truth and neither did two firms of solicitors who employed me. In my opinion tthe same can be said of my family buisiness. My brother and wife were on their own with my bereaved father and stood to gain everything from casting doubt on my bipolar. so much so Alison admitted it was in hetheir minds. Would anyiomne believe in thiose circs that we they wouldnt take advantage? If there wasnt exagg deception I'd be amazed.

 

I heard on radio Oxford about making light of your grief Stigma is insulting and bad manners. You might think it a joke

a
Isn't it bad enough luck that I got the faulty gene from my father? Isn't it also bad enough that through no fault of my own I'm alienated from my siblings and told I'm in a predicament which I can't do anything about? A few experts in bipolar are brave enough to speak out saying bipolar 1 carries so much stigma that it renders people guilty when they're completely innocent! Public knowledge about bipolar always relates to depression and mania yet once diagnosed and treated the symptoms can be eliminated. No sooner is bipolar mentioned the public assume that people are all about the up and down symptoms. I went for a life insurance medical. The doctor said that most patients only ever have one manic episode.

Everyones moods vary between good and bad. Parenting, upbringing and a range of other aspects make up peoples individual characteristics! If you want to judge me by my label go ahead, but in return let me judge you by how you behave. Seems fair to me?

b
Were you standing in my shoes having cast an eye over this memoir wouldn't you think you'd been unlucky and unfairly treated? Everthing bad that's happened to me bipolar 1 has been at the root but not my fault. My siblings can't say the same. Fancy abusing me over my fathers will then saying I was in a 'predicament'! It's long past time chief offender David owned up to using and hiding behind his father, his wife and the Princes Risborough shop staff 
My fathers will was a fraud and my old boss RS said it was unfair. Quite how dad used him to draw it up is a mystery same as many other things that went on behind my back. I was an idiot to cut myself off to keep the peace. My old friends would imaine I lost the plot. In thiose days all i wanted was to hide my illness the shame was so great. I wanted none of it and immersing myself in new business was ideal escapism. Bipolar 1 is a totally unique illness. I dont know specialists apart fro Prof Geddes. If he ever looked over my story I'd imagine he'd find many parts in commoon with heard befors.

 

. David and Alison said I left the business because of my bipolar but knew it was false. They exploited my illness to paint me in a bad light expecting to get away with it. While I was out of the way working at home in Chinnor they turned the Risboro' shop staff against me! I'd gone out of my way to be fair but my reward was a stab in the back. I know that customers and suppliers have been lied to and remember David gloating that I had a weak case. How he managed to twist dads arm I can imagine. He bitterly resented my success and his outburst in the middle of the shop made his jealousy obvious. He'd lost control and couldn't stop it turning to hatred 
 

FORGET BIPOLAR THE COWARD IS WORSE

I'm 70 now so what should I do? Keep quiet and pretend nothing happened? I wouldn't have done that pre-bipolar so I won't do it now. Stopping bipolar stigma isn't easy. It will take some shifting. Look at racism for example. 'Pretty please' isn't going to cut it so what will? I'll use TS as an example. I took him to France to see my Normandy friends. We had a laugh between us so no surprise there. I called him to announce my diagnosis and never heard a word again. He was an affable chap so I can't hold too much against him. Maybe I expect too much of people and allow for human weakness. The problem there is I couldnt live with my cowardice if I did. At about 15 I left a 'friend' to a fight and never did it again. I loathe the memory and never seen him again still owe the apology. The cowardly fallen friends are numerous. They know what I've been through but are mortified at the prospect of meeting me having avoided me. The suggestion that they couldnt get in touch or didnt know what to say is feeble. Would I hold anything against them! If I apologised for walking off from that fight I apologise and tell SL I was a coward. Cowardice goes both ways. Did friends know I was next to useless pretending I didn't have bipolar 1 so I'd really be a hypcrit if I piled in to fault old friends and acquaintences. I know many are terrified by even the mention of mental illness. Its stigma is embedded as deeply as social horrors such as in the family

 

According to Dad's solicitor his will was unfair and influenced. The circumstances can still be investigated and corrected. Specialists know that the odds are heavily stacked against people with bipolar 1 because as soon as mentioned they are stigmatised. Dad actually told Stephen that he didn't want me left like this! Bipolar disorder is about mood stability. Before my diagnosis by psychiatrist in 199 8888 I was offered a partnership with solicitors because I was working very well. On the other hand I also had two depressions and a manic episode which gps said 'emotional'! Once diagnosed and properly medicated I my mood was stable and back to normal. All well and good except for one thing - stigma - it's so widespread it's worse than the illness. The psycdocs won't admit it because patients wont want to be diagnoed. Look at me - I lost the majority of my friends because they weny into 'avoidance'! It's pathetic really they were mainly intelligent but as we know it doesnt mean theyre experienced with people. Some of us are gregarious others arent. If people dont live with/mix/circulate with a wyide range of folk how will they understand how they operate. We all know easy going and quick tempered, the kind or the stingy ! What about the selfish rather than generous, or the headstrong and the mild? We all know people and their types those we like and those we don't. What about bipolar 1? All we really know is the widely publicised stigma which frankly is rubbish. I've met many with bipolar 1 and their characters are no diff to yours. Would you expect someones disposition to depend on an illness they have (mental or not)? What to you say about cheats and cowards? How about violent sadistic bullies? Are they ok if they don't have a mental illness (or do they not diagnosed?) tests prove that even psychiatrists cant tell who's bipolar 1 in a group. Dad and I often laughed about peoples kidology or self-delusions. From time to time 'the drowning man' would pop up in our conversations. Would we try to save him if it risked our lives?

The internet spread knowledge and improved treatments but attitudes lag behind.


That's more than I could say for David who I'd never have expected jealousy would make me an enemy.
I'll admit a mistake misjudgement but not here. I tried to hide it if he played his part but he couldnt 
instaed he cheated me. I'd like to 'go forward' but the trurth must be told but not while Mum and dad were alive. family fall outs are far more common than I imagined if one side lies to influence people and has an obvious financial motive?
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--/12/25
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